Why Did You Choose Me?

Dear God,

It's me. I sure hope you're sitting down for this. I know that this is the first time that I've ever really sat and decided to contact you directly but surely my timing should be of no surprise.  As you already know my faith and belief in you over the course of my lifetime thus far has been everything except devote and accepting.  I have spent much of my life questioning your existence and your capabilities and honestly I am not quite sure that I am through.  As time here on Earth continues to pass I however, have begun to find myself hoping and praying that perhaps you are there and that you will begin if not continue to show love, mercy and support to those whom I love so dearly. As a mother I have begun to pray that you are there, you are watching over us and that you know what you're doing for the sake of my children.

In today's letter I will try to start off simple....well perhaps simple for you.  Why me? Why did you choose me for the life that I lead?  As stated in the previous paragraph and as you well know I definitely have a knack for questioning things, demanding truth and facts, and observing everything from a sometimes extremely realistic standpoint.  Unfortunately my, what would be called, "scientific" viewpoint of things doesn't always sit well with everyone and often leaves me feeling isolated.  I have often questioned what is wrong with me and why I tend to be so different from everyone else.  Honestly, I have on many occasions sat and thought for hours about myself and why some find me to be unacceptable in their lives.  In the end I have come to the conclusion that if what they say is true, "that we are all created in your image", then wouldn't it stand true that I have been created in the exact manner that you wanted me to be? Does this mean that I am meant to see things differently than those around me and at times am meant to share that different perspective with them?  If so, then why isn't it also meant for them to understand me and why I think the way I do?

I've tried hard to be optimistic in the past, but optimism has often left me depressed and discouraged.  Pessimism has done nothing but encourage the depression as well as create feelings of anger and aggression.  With realism I don't have to wonder, I don't have to guess, and I don't have to pretend.  Unfortunately though, realism can also leave you with a host of feelings ranging from happy and courageous to feelings of anger, loss and despair.  It's definitely a roller coaster ride and one that I sometimes wish I could get off of.

Now of course I have many questions for you, some simple and some that I know I'll never find the answers to but for today I only have one request.  I have been struggling lately with some pretty strong feelings of anger and hatred. Feelings that I have evaluated and have concluded that they stem from several different occurrences.  In a few of these instances I am angry with a person(s) with whom do not deserve that anger and I only ask that you help me to release that anger and forgive those whom have done me wrong.  I do not wish reconciliation, but I do wish to let go of these feelings and an opportunity to move forward.  I have already begun to accept that I can not change nor can I control the decisions made by nor the views of others.  Each person has their own path to follow in life and often our paths will follow another's path for a time but eventually they must split off and we must continue again on our own, I get it, but it doesn't mean that there is no hurt.

Sincerely,
Looking for Answers